What would he ever do without me
by Brachni
Summary: Todoroki was amazed by the shear unluckyness that followed his green haired peer, so he gave the yiunger boy his phone number. But he greatly underestimated his unluckyness, in just one day, two terrifying incidents happens, he hears the phone. “My hands are stuck in pringles tubes please help” oh boyyyyy what did he get into...
1. What the actual hell Midoriya

I had this idea and physically HAD to make this because I found it so funny

Warning:this book will eventually turn into a boy X boy pairing, I will give warnings when this starts, but just a heads up

So, this book is going to be incredibly shitposty, I will regularly deviate from cannon just for a laugh, so yeah good luck while I'm in the corner dying of laughter from future chapters

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

_Flashbacks_

**All might!**

Onomatopoeia 

-0-

Todoroki couldn't help but sigh, a headache already forming. For months now, Todoroki has noticed how much danger Midoriya Izuku seemed to get caught up in, in just one day Midoriya was held hostage in a robbery and almost had a building fall on top of him during an earthquake. So Todoroki has the brilliant idea to give the greenette his phone number, and told him to call if something happens again. But Todoroki underestimated Midoriya's bad luck. Nearly everyday he has received a call from the other boy. Right now he was heading towards the younger boys dorm room, just a few minutes ago he had received a call...

/

_It was late at night, when he heard the dreaded ringtone _

ONE PUNNNNNCCCCHHHHHHH

_Todoroki sighed as he read the caller ID_

_'Cinnamon bun'_

_Oh boy, what happened this time.. Todoroki put the phone to his ear, before speaking_

_"What happened this time." He said_

_The younger boy stammered our a response,"u-uh I kinda got my hands stuck in Pringle's cans..."_

_Todoroki sighed again, already forming a headache_

_"Midoriya. You have two hands."_

_The younger boy laughed which worried the older boy greatly_

_"That one is also stuck"_

_The fire and ice quirk user suddenly got confused._

_'If both hands are stuck, how the actual hell did he call me!?'_

_So he voiced his concerns_

_"If both of your hands are stuck, how did you call me?"_

_The younger boy took a deep breath, and letting it out,"that doesn't concern you, please come to my dorm and help, I only have 2 other students phone numbers, Kacchan and Lida, I already asked Kacchan but he told me, and I quote to 'fuck off deku' and then hung up, and I know Lida is just going to start lecturing me about eating snacks at this time..."_

_Todoroki looked to the clock, sighing as he read the time '2 AM what the actual hell is he doing up so late'_

_The dual haired boy sighed "ill be right over, but your sharing snacks"_

_He can practically hear the greenette shaking his head up and down. What will Midoriya ever do without him_


	2. Your not a female Midoriya

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

_Flashbacks_

**All might!**

Onomatopoeia

-0-

Todoroki didn't know if this would be his best or worse idea ever. He wanted to go to the common room for a late night snack, and left his phone, he was terribly worried something would happen. 'What if Midoriya needs to change a lightbulb but can't reach it and falls and dies oh god what do I do oh boyyyy'

He was panicking while sipping on a scolding hot cup of hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies that Rikido baked earlier, they tasted good.

He blew on the drink when he heard someone running down the stairs. The person rounded the corner and Todoroki couldn't help but sigh, seeing the dreaded head of green hair. What caught his eye though was the clothing hanger wrapped around his neck, with parts looking like they were burned through, Midoriya looked very panicked

When they locked eyes, Midoriya looked relieved

"Help. Please.." Todoroki looked at the greenette, questions flying through my head

"How did.. what? How did you get your head stuck in the hanger?"

Midoriya looked sheepish before he started explaining. "Ashido and the other girls were having a sleepover and they started playing truth or dare."

Todoroki had more questions now. "You are not a female Midoriya, what does that have anything to do with anything?"

Midoriya flushed. "Hagakure was dared to basically jump someone and hit them with a hanger. I was going to the bathroom and got jumped, but she hit me with is weird and my head went through it, and we couldn't get it off, I came down to get butter but found you, think you can melt it?"

that explained a lot, but the dual quirk user still had one question, "why are there burn holes?"

The greenette once again flushed red, "A-Ashido tried to help by melting it but the acid was too dangerous and had to stop mid way through"

Todoroki sighed before putting one hand around the hanger, he slowly melted through the plastic, freeing the greenette. "There ya go, please be careful in the future Midoriya" The greenette nodded, rushed towards to hug the older boy before running back to his room.

-0-

I find this book way too funny and I have more stupid ideas I need to write lolol


	3. I just stole a child

Reviews—

Souma Aquafina- yulli K. Liam- thanks for telling me about that! I'm not very good with Other time zones and messed up with that ack, it was supposed to be 2 in the morning lol.

Garnet168-thanks! I have so many stupid ideas

This chapter is an example of me really messing with the time line, this was one of the first ideas I had for the book but wanted it to be further in so you guys get used to the stupidity

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

_Flashbacks_

**All might!**

Onomatopoeia

-0-

Todoroki sighed as he woke up, seeing missed calls from Midoriya, he picked up is phone, and recalled the green haired boy, he put the phone up to his ear when the call was excepted.

"Midoriya, why did you call me?"

He heard the other boy panting, like he was running, and could also head the fizzing of Midoriyas quirk, meaning he had to be fast. 'Oh god'

He heard the greenette darkly chuckle

"I just stole a child, please get help, all might would be preferred"

It was one of _THOSE type of days. Fun_

_-0-izukus side-0-_

Izuku sighed at what was happening, he should really stop going on runs outside the school, last time the Stain incident happened, and that sucked. A lot. So of course the universe decided to up the "what the fuck meter this morning". Today sucked.

That morning he woke up to hear screaming from the common room. So he went down, only to see a what could be described as a war zone. On one side of the battle field was 2 males. One with blonde spikes hair with a black lightning bolt on one side, the other male had purp,e hair with spheres on it 'Kaminari and Mineta' they were huddled behind flipped tables, trying, and failing to hide from the other side, which just happened to be every girl in their class 'oh god what did they do this time' Izuku really didn't want to deal with the ongoing war, so he just made coffee and went on a run, when he left U.A., he tripped and face planted, which caused him to spill his coffee 'fun' but he continued on, the weather was beautiful, it wasn't too hot, and it wasn't to cold, perfect spring weather. 'Maybe I'll head to a coffee shop' he nodded to himself, before running around the block, heading towards the shop he frequents at, only to see the shop completely destroyed, he remembers there was a villain Attack, and it caused a lot of damage to the area. But he continued on, he just wants to have a good day, he hasn't gotten one since Todoroki started helping him. Around a block from the destroyed cafe, he was walking next to an ally, before hearing feet, running towards him 'Welp, there goes my dad, I'm going to get mugged' what happens next is he feels something small run into him, looking down he sees a small child 'oh god they are going to guilt me ohhhhh' he looked at the girl and got worried, she looked around 6 years old, with waist long white hair, she had bright red eyes, with tears running down her face. She seemed to be wearing a torn hospital gown, and had bandages on her arms and legs. On the right side of her head was a small brown horn, the child seemed really out of breath, and very thin, unnaturally so "h-help! Plea-please, run, please oh god please run!" The small girl whimpered, without thinking, Izuku grabbed the child, before sprinting down the road, he had to keep going. He sometimes heard the pounding of feet running after him, when he does deside to look back, he sees a man, who seems to be in his mid 30's, he was wearing a large jacket with a bird mask covering his face, as soon as Izuku saw the bird man, he ran faster, feeling adrenaline coursing through his veins, he pumped a small bit of One-for-all into his legs, speeding up.

Izuku grabbed his phone from his pocket, so glad he brought it, before calling Todoroki up... no answer... again... still nothing... 'oh god I'm going to die'. He continued to run, until he got a call, "LET IT GOOOO"

Oh thank god, Todoroki called back, he clicked the accept button, and heard The older boys voice. "Midoriya, why did you call me?"

Izuku chuckled darkly, before saying the words

"I just stole a child, please get help, all might would be preferred"

-0-

Oh wow, izu got Eri! When I first had the idea, I found it absolutely hilarious the words "I stole a child" were and HAD to have Eri in this lol.


	4. your being renamed to Edgy Fuck

Alright, so I deleted a chapter because I hate the way I phrased things, and I really wanted to put this chapter out.

This chapter was inspired/taken from a video on YouTube. The video was by VoicedHC, I'll say the video title at the end because I don't want to spoil it

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

_Flashbacks_

**All might!**

Onomatopoeia

_Text_

-0-

Midoriya had a weird look on his face, it was a weird mix of his thinking face, just without his obsessive mumbling, mixed with a silly grin.

On the couch was Midoriya, Todoroki, and Bakugou. Next to the greenette was the tv remote, and they were watching a random movie another student bought.

Midoriya grabbed his phone from the side table, and started to text Todoroki

_Midoriya- I want to mess with Kacchan, will you help?_

_Todoroki- ok._

Midoriya then paused the movie, and turned to Bakugou, and asked him a question

"Hey Kacchan"

"What." Bakugou snarled back

Midoriya seemed to smirk to himself before saying the phrase.

"How much Chan could a Kacchan catch if a Kacchan could catch Chan?"

The angry blonde seemed to pause before glaring at the greenette

"What the fuck Deku."

"How much Chan could a Kacchan catch if a Kacchan could catch chan?"

Bakugou seemed to get even more angry at his words, small sparks glowing from his palms

"I heard you the first time, fucking nerd, that doesn't mean it makes any fucking sense, dumbass."

Midoriya smiled a bit, "What part are you tripping up on?"

The sparks on Bakugou hands just got larger and louder, which caused students in the other rooms to come to check what got the resident fire cracker so fired up.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

At this point Todoroki seemed to understand what was happening

"I think I understand, yeah."

Bakugou's scowl just worsened, his eye twitching in rage.

"Understand What!? Fucking half and half."

Todoroki seemed to get the smallest of smirks

"I understand how much Chan a Kacchan could Chan if a Kacchan could catch Chan."

At his words the students seemed to giggle, which made Bakugou even madder,"None of you are making any fucking sense!"

Mina, from the sidelines, suddenly shouted, "Your outnumbered 2-1 here sparky!"

Midoriya then piggybacked on her exclamation, yeah! At that point it just makes you dumb!"

"What!? I'm not fucking stupid!"

Todoroki pipes up once again,"Well, there is two of us and one of you, which makes us correct."

That just made Bakugou smirk, "Oh yeah, then what about last week, a had to convince Shitty hair, and Sparky that it was a shitty idea to try jumping out of the second floor window to brace their legs for fall damage when they become heroes."

Said students then shouted out, "Hey, that was one time!"

Midoriya shot back at Bakugou with, "Kirishima and Kaminari don't count because they are idiots. Me and Todoroki, though are smart."

Todoroki once again aided his friend,"the smartest."

Once again, the students piped up, "yeah, that's fair.."

"Fuck off"

"So, Todoroki, how much Chan do you thing Kacchan could Chan if a Kacchan could catch Chan?"

"Hmm, maybe... 7?"

"I'll kill you both, and make it look like an accident!"

Todoroki seemed to smile sadly, with a fire burning in his eyes he said," you don't have to try very hard to make me look like an accident."

"Yikes." Midoriya said.

Bakugou sneered," that's it, your officially renamed to 'edgy fuck'." And then he stormed off

**—later—**

"I'm concerned for Kacchan" Midoriya told Todoroki.

"What happened?"

"Well he spent the last 3 days staring blankly into his thermos of coffee that vaguely smelled of vodka, crying heavily and muttering his name to himself."

"That's... yeah, that's something to be concerned with."

"Sure I-"

"Why did you wait three days to bring this up? How long do you have to watch a guy mumbling his own name into a jazzed up coffee, crying heavily before you think it's a problem."

"Well three days, obviously."

"I'm going to go ask him."

At that Todoroki stood up, and headed towards the table, where, just like Midoriya said, Bakugou was having an existential crisis.

"*muddering* how... Kacchan... could..."

"Bakugou what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Why did you have to phrase it so bluntly!?"

Kacchan, still in his crisis responded to Todorokis question.

"I've been thinking of this all week... how much Kacchan could a kacchan Kacchan if a Kacchan could Kacchan."

Midoriya started blankly,"are you fucking kidding me."

Bakugou continued his rant,"what does it even mean for a Kacchan to Kacchan? I'm having an existential nightmare!"

Todoroki, being the edgy fuck that he is, responded," life is a nightmare, wake up, except you can't, your already awake."

Midoriya just stared at his friend,"Jesus Christ."

Bakugou just continues his rant,"could a Kacchan Kacchan 4 kacchans? Or is it 8? I'm so confused?"

Midoriya just stared at the blonde,"why did I idolize you?"

-0-

XD this was so weird to write, if you haven't guessed, the video was called " how much chan could a Kacchan Chan if a Kacchan could Kacchan" by VoicedHC

Hope you liked this trainwreck, and yes, I do plan on rewriting the chapter I deleted


	5. Prank call

Reviews!!

The keeper of words- haha! Yes!! When I decided to put caller ids in, I wanted them to be so stupid, I'm glad you liked them, and yeah, I had fun just absolutely mind screwing with Bakugou!

Melancholy's Sunshine-oooo I sense an idea... but yeah, his luck is absolutely terrible lmao

Garnet168- yeah, I'm going to have to rewrite the champter, I loved the original idea for it, but the way I worded it made it very difficult to make a part 2 to it lol

Guest-yes! I plan to absolutely mind frick with him lol so expect existential crisis lol, cause yeah, I love his character, but I m e an, he literally told someone to kill themself, so he deserved s o m e t h i n g, as since I wanted him to still be in the fic, I just decided to make him the punt of jokes, and speaking of which I still need to figure out what to do with Mineta, cause I don't want to write him out either.

EDIT FROM FUTURE:Killogoom- thank you for pointing that out, I am garbage with typing lol, as I do it on mobile, which isn't fun..

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

Flashbacks

All might!

Onomatopoeia

Text

-0-

When he woke up, and went to the common room, the only thing he heard were muffled speech and laughter, Kirishima, Sero, Hagakure, Ashido, and kaminari were huddled around kaminaris phone, and Bakugou and Todoroki were at the table eating with some other students.

Izuku walked up the the small group," hey guys, what are you doing?" Kaminari looked towards him, "hey man, were doing some prank calls, you wanna join in?" Izuku sighed at them, "Thanks for asking, but no, the last time I ever made one, I almost got my house burned down..."

Bakugou made a deep laugh at that,"Ooh man, I remember that! You really fucked up Deku, the shitrag almost roasted your ass!"

That caught a lot of the classes attention,"Oooooo, story time, story time!" Ashido exclaimed, excitedly. Izuku chuckled to himself, and he sat on a nearby arm chair, and started to tell the story,"a-ah ok I guess.. so when I was younger, and still friends with Kacchan, and his mom left to get groceries, so we were playing at my house, and did prank calls, and he dared me to prank call a hero, and I ended up prank calling Endeavor, and he called the cops to track the call, and almost burnt down the house."

Seri sighed at the story,"Man, what is up with that guy, he has literally no chill.." Hagakure seemed to perk up,"What did you guys say during the call?" Izuku seemed to flush,"Ah, if I remember correctly, I just did the running fridge joke"

Todoroki, in his quiet voice remarked,"I remember when that happened, he got so pissed off at it, he even called off our training to track you."

Tsuyu spoke up from the kitchen,"Instill can't believe you and Bakugou used to be friends, kero." To which the insulted party got pissed off,"You wanna say that to my face, Frog-face!" "see.."


	6. Tiktok famous

HAPPY NEW YEARRRR. So I've noticed that I find a l o t of inspiration from VoicedHC on YouTube (totally watch him btw, his bnha stuff is fucking awesome, and brought me m an y laughs lol) and here's another chapter based on things he's voiced, and I plan on making more based on what he's done, so like with the how much chan could a kachan blah blah blah video, I'll say the title at the end of the chapter 3

REVIEWS—

Killogoom- I updated last chapter will the word fix, so I'll thank you in this chapter too, thanks for catching it lol

Narushiper-oh nuuuuuu lolol

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

Flashbacks

All might!

Text

Now let's get on with this!!

-0-

Once again, the duo of Izuku Midoriya and Shoto Todoroki were on the couches in the common room, this time accompanied by the duo of Kirishima and Bakugo.

Todoroki turned to the others,"2020 baby, New Years resolution, New year, new me!" Midoriya turned to him, laughing

"Are you going to fix the crippling depression this year?" The slightest of glares Todoroki send the greenette, "shut up Midoriya. No. I'm going to be the real me." Kirishima and bakugo started listening in on the convo, and Kirishima piped up,"depressed?"

Todoroki started looking a bit more upset with Kirishima saying that,"will you guys start with the— no, stop it Kirishima.."

"I don't really know what your personality _is_ Todoroki." Midoriya said, laughing.

"I'm going to be an eboy this year" Todoroki said, with the smuggest smile.

"Oh FUCK no!" Bakugou said, scowling.

Midoriya, with the blankest look ever, said, "excuse me?"

Todoroki stood up, and walked to his room, coming back with a grocery bag.

He sat back down and held up a bottle of hair dye

"I'm going to dye my white hair black and look all cool and edgy." He then put it back in the bag, and pulled out a black and white striped shirt," I bought this cute striped shirt and I'll put a T-shirt over it, I plan to ask mom if I can pierce my tongue and ears, and check out my eye liner." And he pulled out a bottle of eyeliner

Midoriya just stared at the duel haired boy," are you ok??"

He put the bag onto the floor, and went onto his phone, "I even started a tiktok, you want to see?"

Kirishima piped up again," I don't think I _want_ to see you tiktok..."

Todoroki looked up towards the ceiling, trying his best to be very dramatic,"I wear white shirts in the shower while lip syncing Emo music"

Bakugo then asked,"do you turn fucking the shower _on"_

Kirishima turned towards the blonde,"he's _16_, Bakugou!"

"I am too, shithead!"

Midoriya, being the _somewhat_ logical one here asked,"how many followers do you have so far?"

"Don't ask me I'm shy." Todoroki asked, dropping the dramatic acting

"_Bullshit!_" Bakugo practically yelled.

"So your tiktok is unpopular huh, Todoroki." Midoriya stated

"Does nobody love you icyhot."

Todoroki turned towards Bakugou,"They don't, but that's uncalled for."

Kirishima turned towards the blonde again,"you can't just _say_ that bakugo"

"_Well I just did, so shut the fuck up shitty hair_"

Todoroki looked at the phone, checking his followers,"it's 15, k?"

Midoriya, staying on topic, asked the duel haired boy," how many of them are other Todoroki's?"

"I blocked endeavor, if that's what your asking."

"Yes kingg" Midoriya chucked

Bakugou, laughed loudly,"are you implying that Endeavor has fucking _tiktok_"

"Yeah, but it's hard being famous, I'm not used to it."

"With fucking _15 followers!!"_

Todoroki turned confused at bakugo,"15? I said 15k, as in fifteen thousand?"

Midoriya, in literally the quietist voice ever,_"_Well suddenly _I'm_ in love."

Bakugo, focusing on the _important_ questions asks,_"_do you get paid?"

With Kirishima also asking, _"_can I be in a video??"

"_Marry meeee_"

Bakugo focused on the other two in the room,_"clout stealer!!"_

"I just wanna be in a tiktok..."

"_Remember me when I'm famous babe."_

Todoroki stared at the three in front of him,"if you guys are going to go acting feral, go do it outside."

"_We stan Todoroki."_

"I'm beginning to like it better before I had friends"

-0-

And he pre we start the "romance" lmao, but it's more of Midoriya joking about marrying him lmao

The video this was from is called "Todoroki Shouto becomes a TikTok Eboy" by VoicedHC

Hope you guys enjoyed! Feel free to review and such, I do my best to respond to each review left!


End file.
